Watch and see what tomorrow brings

2012-01-24T23:07:00.003+08:00

AWKWARD.

It's weird getting your heart broken by someone you barely know.

I mean its not exactly a smash your heart to smithereens kinda thing.

But it still sucks.

I have no idea why i am so easily bothered.

But i am. And i can't stop think about him.

Why am i acting like a 12 year old crushing school girl?!

And the night's events just plagued me my entire day.

I keep regretting my answer, but i was caught off- guard.

How am i to answer properly when my question got the answer "She is the girl i like"

Total face palm moment i swear.

I felt so awkward, and when i thought of how the night went.

I felt even worse, borderline stupid man.

Maybe it's a thing of desiring what you cannot have.

Or maybe the picture i painted was too ideal.

But i can't seem to let it go.

Hopefully it'll get better, soon, or perhaps till the next guy comes along.

Or not.

2012-01-23T00:32:00.002+08:00

Textbook narcissistic post ahead.
Fair warning. Its gonna be self-centered and really frivolous.

I never thought I'll turn out to be the kind of girl that needs a guy.

but that's exactly what i seem to be becoming.

Well maybe not exactly need, but i really want a guy.

I just feel so weirdly lonely and disconnected.

I want someone to love me.

Someone to call my own i guess.

Which is all really stupid and ironic considering how i just ended a relationship about two weeks ago.

I really have no idea what is wrong with me.

I know i am totally rambling.

But i just feel so weird, and lost and like in love with someone i don't even know.

I mean seriously, who does that.

But I keep imagining all this cute possibilities.

Like my friends said man, i really need to reflect.

But goodness, my heart is just like fluttering everywhere.

2011-12-08T02:56:00.002+08:00

My heart feels heavy and I can't sleep
I really need to, but I can't seem to fall asleep.
To much weighing me down perhaps?
I feel like I am holding on for the most selfish of reasons
And yet I don't really know what I should do about things
About how I feel.
Why?
Could it be I myself don't know for sure how I am feeling about this?
Or maybe it's just selfishness trying to disguise itself as confusion.
Right now I just feel lost.
Incoherent.
I am not sure what I want what I need or what to do.
I wish to be that girl again
That once upon a time knew what she wanted and was perfectly contented with all she had.
Pertaining to matters of the heart of cause.
Instead of this lost cynical sheep.
Afraid of being alone, afraid of giving her all.
I have no idea what I hope to accomplish typing all this in the wee hours of the night.
Just seems like pointless ramblings to me.
Leave me as confuse as I was before.
Oh gosh, someone give me and inkling of what I should do.
Sad, heavy- hearted and lost as hell.

2011-11-10T16:21:00.000+08:00

Ever want to just go out alone,

roam the streets and just see if anything will happen?

2011-11-09T20:04:00.003+08:00

And today it suddenly occurred to me,

Why everything we had then was perfect.

The greatness, the pure, and true innocence of first love.

At least from my perception.

Because along the way, we became such fragile, broken things.

And i begin to see how flawed we are now.

How every step of the way,

had been so deceitful, so deluded.

How do people grow up into who they are as grown ups?

How will i grow up, will i just age and forever be stuck like this?

What can i do, where can i go, to get this all figured out?

Ever read the perks of being a wallflower?

What does this mean to you?

Be infinite.

2011-10-21T18:17:00.004+08:00

I am on the verge, at the edge, tipping point.

Whatever you want to call it.

I don't know if I am greedy or selfish but I cannot change the fact that i feel this way.

I want more.

I feel like my relationship is unraveling at the seams and there is nothing I can do about it.

On the surface things seem fine, but I am sad and disappointed more often than not.

It a self indulgent post today.

I want to feel special and more important.

I'm tired of feeling so unneeded.

For someone who loves to plan, why don't I see you planning and setting time aside for me.

Or planning dates with me?

I see everyone so happy in their relationships and I am just seething with envy.

I am so Jealous of all my happy couple-ly friends who keep emphasizing the time they spend together.

I want that too, like they just cannot do without each other.

I want you to miss me more.

It hurts so much to feel like you hardly missed me even though we barely saw one another for the pass week.

When did it become like this?

Because I honestly remember a time when I felt like your everything.

But It seems so distant all of a sudden.

And I ask myself all the time, if I am so unhappy, why can't I let it go?

I just wish to feel special to you.

There's so much I want to do.

Go to the zoo, club, have breakfast, eat claypot laksa, have a nice dinner, go shopping, go dancing, or just watch tv.

I don't know, to sum up I just want to be a bigger part of your life.

More than what is now.

2011-10-19T23:14:00.003+08:00

I wish i had said something.

Is it so wrong to want to spend just a little more time with you?

I just watched step up 3 last night.

and something one of the girls sad really hit home.

On the one hand i really miss you.

But honestly it hurts like hell,

to feel like you didn't miss me back at all.

sigh, why is it always so easy for people to do without me.

BAAHHHHHHH! I wish you wanted me more.

2011-10-10T23:42:00.002+08:00

The difficult choice between what is right,
and what is easy.

Why is it that i feel guilty so easily.
Decisions, decisions.

Courage Tiffany, courage.

God help me.

2011-10-07T09:07:00.002+08:00

Last night I sat on my bed and wonder.
If I was sick, not like terminally sick or deathly ill.
Just sick enough to have to stay home,
will he stay by my side to just keep me company?

The random trivial wanderings/wonderings of the mind.
(see what I did there ?? Lol)

I remember someone did.

2011-10-01T15:47:00.002+08:00

I need something amazing to happen.

Some huge romantic gesture,

straight out of the movie screens.

Time to learn from yesterday.

Live today and hope for tomorrow.

Yes, i know i'm a lame, sappy romantic.

BITE ME.

Stay Happy.

2011-10-01T05:42:00.001+08:00

Smiling but oh so close to crying.

The pretense you have to play for others,

when all you want to do is crawl in bed alone,

and let all the pain and sadness consume you.

Broken.

2011-09-21T00:51:00.003+08:00

I miss my boyfriend.

Not that he is far away or distant.

I just miss the person he was.

The sweet caring guy.

full of laughter and fun.

Who really loved me so much and wasn't afraid to show it.

Who was happy to have me, and proud that i was his.

Who never failed time and time again to remind me i was never allowed to leave him.

That he would never leave me.

The one who made me feel like I was irreplaceable.

Who was open, had no secrets.

Who cherished me and really "sayang" me.

Who he is now, hurts me all the time.

Insensitive.

Callous.

Nonchalant.

Harsh.

Critical.

Snappy.

I feel so optional.

I never pretended to be anyone else,

I forewarned you of my insecurities and the reassurance i needed.

I asked you time and time again if you are sure.

I'm so sick of shedding tears alone.

And i am so tired of trying to tell him how i feel.

Because he doesn't want to listen.

He doesn't even care if i were to leave,

Dismay. Sad. Disappointed.

Come back.

2011-09-17T18:01:00.001+08:00

It matters not our close proximity.
You are still miles and miles away.
You don't see me at all.

Glass

2011-09-16T00:36:00.003+08:00

Still feeling overlooked.
What is it about me that makes me unworthy of your attention?
I am invisible.

2011-09-15T04:07:00.004+08:00

I want many things in life.

I want money, a career, a happy family, great health and happiness for all my love ones.

I want love, happiness, fulfillment.

A whole load of crap really.

But what I've come to realize recently is i want more out of my relationship.

More of everything really.

More sincerity, more intrigue, more love, more honesty.

More humor, more alone time, more dates.

More fun, more adventure, more sensitivity.

More kisses, more hugs, more intimacy.

More of you.

There is one thing i can do less with,

it would be great if there were less secrets and/or secrecy between us.

I just wished things would be more carefree,

and that i was a greater priority in your life.

You use to want me everywhere in your life, now i just feel so redundant.

What happened?

Everything use to be so fun and full of love with you.

2011-09-13T02:58:00.003+08:00

I miss that.

Feels like its been so long,

since i felt wanted.

Thats what i want now.

Intimacy, show me that you want me.

That i am still the girl that captures your every desire.

That i am more than just company.

I just need to feel that once again,

that you are still as crazily in love with me.

And can't keep your hands to yourself.

I need affection, to feel close to you.

2011-09-12T02:52:00.000+08:00

I wanna try this.
Looks like it could be fun, romantic and amazing.
With you of course.

2011-09-11T06:30:00.002+08:00

What is this feeling??
Like everything is just falling apart
Slowly but steadily slipping out of my fingers.
And yet everything is still.
Unmoving.
Exactly where it should be.
All one could ever need.
In place.

So why is it that I still feel so empty?

Peace.

2011-09-08T02:02:00.000+08:00

Your birthday came and left.
A whole year has come to pass.
I had wanted to bring you new laughter everyday.
But it was not meant to be.

I had once thought i would never recover.
But I've found a whole new sanctuary.
He helped fixed what i allowed you to break.

And now our paths are diverged.
All of a sudden, i realize just how gone you are.
From everything to nothing.
Seems like a hard lesson to learn.
No one is ever irrevocably needed.
Not me for you, not you for me it seems.

But i am ok, i hope you are too.
I hope you are better than ok.
May we both keep on living.
Oh, Happy Birthday.

2011-08-25T03:51:00.002+08:00

Things have been weird since I got back from Los angeles
Somehow I feel like life seems to be slipping by
Drive and motivation has gone out the window.
And I just feel like a meaningless bum.
What is going on??
I feel so down all the time.
I have everything a girl could want.
What is it that is missing ??
What is this gap or hole that I feel?
What is this hollow empty feeling that haunts me daily?
I just want to be happy and content again.

2011-06-07T02:55:00.003+08:00

You know that feeling you get when you look at someone,

and in your mind you can just see it.

That the two of you have the infinite possibilities that came with forever,

like the rest of your life will barely be enough to spend loving this person.

Well, i think i am getting there.

I feel my heart race around you.

I smile that ridiculous silly smile that comes with love.

I feel that sadness when watching you leave,

and palpitations when hearing your voice.

All in all,

i know i am getting there.

Now where is this all mysterious "there"?

Its that point for me, where i will begin to feel like i can't do without you.

That point, when i'll go over and under anything to give my all to be with you.

Oh, but i am scared,

Hell, I am so damn bloody scared.

Issues with trust, inner turmoils and all that typical self- inflicted, self- indulgent drama.

I am so scared of you hurting me that i shamelessly harbor thoughts of breaking up.

I think about it all the time.

So terrified of baring it all, so petrified of being hurt by someone I love.

I am actually considering the coward's way out.

To run. leave, escape and quit.

Its like stand on one side of the fence staring at this plausible "happy ending"

Desiring it so bloody much.

And yet,

having to fear that it is all just a one sided fantasy.

Nothing more than a hopeless dream.

Someday my insecurities are just going to ruin everything.

2011-03-19T17:06:00.003+08:00

This horrible sinking feeling

I just started crying after reading about the nuclear plant workers

Such bravery is really so astounding

It basically volunteering for death

To save all this other people

Nameless strangers.

I can't imagine how their families will feel.

I cannot imagine how i would feel if it was my father out there.

So horrible and devastating.

I just wish i can do more than donate money.

Maybe its for selfish gratification to ease my own guilt.

But I really want so much to help.

type "REDCROSS" and send to 75772

2011-03-16T16:07:00.002+08:00

Stop pushing away the people who love you.

But they are have such a huge capacity to hurt me.

Internal strife.

2011-03-02T15:52:00.002+08:00

Wish i had the mirror of erised

So i'll know what my heart's true desire is

and stop guilt tripping in this depressive loop of non- commitment.

2011-02-25T15:04:00.003+08:00

I don't know what I am doing
I am more confuse than ever
My heart is all over the place
and my mind just speeds at a hundred miles an hour

I feel like there is so much growing up left to do
and i can't do it here
I feel so protected and so comfortable
Slipping into what is routine is too easy
I can't wait to leave for a bit
I think i'll be sad.
I love my family and my life here

But something is just missing
I feel like i need to find out more about myself
Have some kind of coming of age journey unique to me
Fall in love, go crazy
Break a few hearts, have mine broken
Miss the important people.
Listen to new and old music, day dream a little
Let the top down, have a road trip.
Laugh, smile, cry and get mad.
Make some mistakes, learn something new.

I need to just go away and get away for a bit.
I don't really know who i am yet or what i want or need
But i cannot wait to find out.

Or maybe this is all just an excuse to run away.

2011-02-13T20:09:00.002+08:00

Do you ever wonder?
what is the reason you love him?
Is it because you truly have fallen for who he is,
or did you fall in love because you were lonely.
And he was there.

2011-02-12T05:35:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I wonder why I am still here
When the thought of letting go keeps resurfacing.
But I think I felt it recently.
That feeling, like I cannot do without you.
An ache that hurt enough to make me cry.

But is it honestly worth waiting for,
when the option of letting go keeps crossing my mind.
I think perhaps I'm just scared.
Terrified.

2011-01-22T03:37:00.003+08:00

I use to be so defiantly sure that age is but a number

That it is all perception

but maybe it matters after all

but than again

this could be one of my overdrive, frivolous train of thought

maybe i'm just being too sensitive.

too too sensitive

But i really hate being thought of as old.

Sigh.

2011-01-11T16:49:00.003+08:00

I need to stop thinking so much

and start realizing that i am never the exception

Sometimes when i look into the mirror

i cannot help but wonder

How could anyone possibly love me

2011-01-09T13:23:00.003+08:00

I really am not sure what is wrong with me sometimes

I can never stick to one choice can I?

I really don't know which is worst

But than again sometimes decisions like these are out of my hands

When it comes to two people

More often than not, I find that the decision is usually already been made for me

But this time i do have a choice

and i get to choose

I can choose to forgo and forget everything

Make it so that there is nothing left

But the thought of that is awfully sad

But than again,

the way things are now, ain't exactly much better

So what should i do???

I really just feel so miserable and torn either way

2011-01-05T20:32:00.002+08:00

Sometimes all you ever need is that one moment

That one absolutely perfect memory where everything just felt right

Hold on to that, relish it and re- live it

For me it helps, just knowing you once had something so amazing and extraordinarily special is enough

Makes everything worth it too (:

I am so totally back

2011-01-04T17:25:00.003+08:00

So i have finally gotten out of this rut i have been in

I guess the thing that kept holding me back was just

WHY?

Mainly why did you ask me to wait for you if you were giving up on me

That i will never understand.

BUT.

Its ok.

Knowing the answer changes nothing anyway

Its time to snap of it

and return to being my AWESOME self! (:

Time for new chances, new love and new experiences.

Look forward to new memories.

Its great to have hope again!

2011-01-02T04:50:00.002+08:00

I love how simple and direct this is.

2011-01-01T23:41:00.000+08:00

2010-12-31T14:02:00.002+08:00

So..

2 heartbreaks in 2010

But thats ok..

what with my last sem in nus, graduation, ucla and grad trip

I look forward to new love, new friends, new boys, new experiences.

2011?

BRING IT ON

2010-12-30T18:47:00.002+08:00

Decisions, decisions

My problems feel so frivolous

But i guess we all have our own set of issues

Who is to say my pain is less than yours

I am honestly at a lost

Not that i don't know what has to be done

Its the putting it into action that scares me

I really cannot decide

Because if leaving is really the right thing to do

Than why is it that i feel so damn sad every time is think about it?

Why does it hurt so much?

What is it that holds me back,

because honestly it feels like i am losing you anyway.

2010-12-29T14:32:00.004+08:00

Take chances

Life is just too fleeting.

I know we could have been extraordinary and amazing

Because when i leap, i always give it my all

But you're afraid of falling. :/

No matter, i guess moving forward is all that is left.

I know patience is a virtue

but i really can't wait for this once again.

((((((:

To leave or not to leave, now that is the question

Sigh, what if just friends isn't enough?

2010-12-29T01:29:00.002+08:00

I refuse to believe that i cannot find a boy that will never let me go,

that won't run after me if i tried to leave

He's there, somewhere ..

Just have to keep lookingggggggggg (:

Cause i am honestly worth it.

2010-12-27T17:20:00.003+08:00

Every action

reciprocates a reaction

we make choices

and they make an impact

cause a change

so what is mine this time.

i wonder

But listening to John mayer

I have to agree

Anything other than yes is no

anything other than stay is go

So here comes another good bye i guess

In the end it's still the same

they leave, they all do

2010-12-25T03:36:00.001+08:00

I'm disappointed, annoyed and piss.

This sucks so much.

Fuck it.

I'm too overwhelmed to articulate well.

2010-12-22T19:59:00.004+08:00

Today i cried for a stranger

I'm sorry you had to lose a parent at such a young age

i'm sorry that from this day forth

The holiday seasons will bring back painful memories instead of joy

Sometime we feel the pain of others

We imagine what they are going through

and it breaks us

I imagined what it felt like to lose someone so dear

and i cried for you

But today i realize that no matter how hard i imagine

It probably isn't even close to what you really felt

And i cried even harder

I don't know whats wrong with me

But i hope you will be alright

that you will survive this and become stronger

and that my sister will survive this too

I'll be here to hold your hand

List

2010-12-22T00:34:00.003+08:00

Out of sheer complete random-ness

I felt like making a list today

So, here it is

Top 10 things that make me happy/smile/laugh

10. Cute, witty, charismatic boys (Irresistible! )

9. Awesome books

8. Dancing, roller blading and chocolates

7. A total cinematic moment happening for real

6. Relief (like the kind that come from waking up early in the morning to receive a text saying the morning lecture has been cancelled, and two more glorious hours of sleep awaits)

5. Hugs (Long, warm ones)

4. Yuki (Dog)

3. My friends

2. Best friend Charlene Goh Xin Yi and oldest friend Ho Kah Fai

1. My Family and God

2010-12-20T13:50:00.001+08:00

I want to be happy like that again ):

2010-12-19T19:39:00.002+08:00

Trust

It really is so so fragile

And the ability to trust takes so much courage

And i just don't trust people like i use to

I'm way to scared

And i just feel like i shouldn't bother

The moment i feel deceived

It all just falls apart

Broken

Nope, i really don't think i can do this

You can't make me feel secure the way i need it

at least for now, i think..

2010-12-02T07:48:00.001+08:00

Something about this paragraph

It just feels so pure and romantic

So raw and intense

It makes me want to fall in love all over again

2010-11-30T11:21:00.003+08:00

My mind is going on overdrive

Sometimes i think maybe i am the one

more addicted to drama than i really let on

I wish i can just not think about it

HA, I WISH

Maybe we could just sit around and kiss

Pretend the world around us doesn't exist

2010-11-25T03:44:00.003+08:00

i know that feeling

like i need you

like i want to have you around me

like life is just all that brighter with you around

and i am scared

i don't want to need anyone like that again

Once bitten twice shy,

i blame the fairy tales

and i blame you too

It all starts the same

but i know you

or rather i know guys like you

Its all good and great at first

but than something changes

and you will leave

everybody leaves

I don't want that again

I'll rather be alone

Usually i would be optimistic

Cherish whatever happy memories i get

just be content and all that jazz

But not for now,

my heart is still spoiled

i am still broken

So for now

its just easier if i was alone

2010-11-15T04:20:00.002+08:00

Maybe its time i let it go?

Am i being too assuming?

I just wanna have fun a little

don't want anybody hurt

Let go of you ?

or this time, let myself go?

2010-11-13T05:18:00.003+08:00

I am damn confuse now

Everything is so conflicting

heart and mind wants different things

why can't i ever just take it easy

and let things flow the way they are

I need to chillax more, argh

WHY MUST I TAKE AND CONSIDER THEM ALL SO SERIOUSLY?

2010-11-12T02:58:00.002+08:00

Maybe i need to stop this before it is too late

There's the whole teenage dream vibe going on

but honestly i don't wanna be like the girl who broke my relationship.

My sister is right

i fall in love to easily

why can't things just be simpler for once

DAMN IT

Attraction is fleeting,

but ridiculously tempting non the least

2010-10-28T21:34:00.002+08:00

Just went for a run, waaaaaaaaayy overdue

It really clears my head

I've been kinda stuck in a rut of sorts

And to be honest, I've been in a particularly depressed mood recently

Been feeling sad, missing you, thinking about the past

But i guess thats ok

For me it works when i just let it all flood in

Feel that pain and hurt you left me with

experience it to the fullest

In some sadistic way, it reminds me that i am alive

And that is a blessing i never want to take for granted

Than there are time i keep asking the "whys" and the "what ifs"

What if i said yes back than?

what if i had left you earlier?

what if i had said no on the faithful night?

why didn't i hold on longer?

But i guess thats ok as long as i don't let it overwhelm me

Don't let it hold me back

Because in the end

I realize all this questions, no matter how many times i ask them

they don't matter

Because fact of the matter is

they didn't happen

and nothing will change that

And blessed as i am

I can trust that they happen for a reason

All part of the grand scheme of things

Of the life He planned for me

So for now, i guess i am ok

I am alright, just have to move forward again

step by step

Bit by bit

I really look forward to the day where we can be friends again

Not sure if you feel the same

But truth be told

For me, i do miss you as a friend

2010-10-19T02:50:00.002+08:00

Sometimes i let life get to me

But You always pull me right back

I know how precarious my faith is

how fragile it all is

But i can feel it

I miss You so much

I can actually feel the heartache

like i would when missing a lover, a friend or family

And fear constricts my heart

like a vine of thorns

it slowly tightens its grip

So afraid i might lose You

Even if You are always there

Omnipresent

I miss you so much my Father

but life Lord, and my broken human-ness

its in the way

2010-10-06T16:52:00.002+08:00

2 days of sitting around and trying to get some essays done has driven me insane

All i do is watch tv, stone and have nonsensical conversations with my siblings

I cannot wait to go out and have some fun

and just live a little

I so want to sit on a huge open space

where the sky will look wide and border-less

where a breathe of air just feels that much more refreshing

have a picnic and just frolic on the grass

I cannot wait ((((((:

2010-10-03T14:29:00.002+08:00

Wish i could skip all of this

Grow strong real quick

And fast forward to the day i fall in love again

2010-10-02T18:19:00.002+08:00

Oh the games we play

sometimes with ourselves

Somehow i manage to end up more confuse than ever

Sigh, Boys boys boys

Maybe i am better off with toys

(Lol, that rhymed)

2010-09-30T23:42:00.001+08:00

I wanna be special enough for someone to waste their time with

2010-09-29T02:33:00.001+08:00

I feel sad today

a little nostalgic

i miss your friendship

Why must you be so damn tactless

2010-09-26T22:07:00.002+08:00

You are like my favorite escape right now

Saving me from the broken pieces he left me in.

Sweet sweet addiction

Oh dear..

2010-09-24T01:52:00.002+08:00

So sweet is the rush of new beginnings.

2010-09-23T03:36:00.002+08:00

I can make you feel that way

the freedom that comes with letting all your secrets go

You and me.

Free and easy.

Young and infinite.

I'll give you unforgettable memories.

2010-09-21T01:35:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, when i imagine the infinite possibilities of life

I just cannot wait to get off my ass

run out and live it

I want that feeling of rush and high

when you hear that perfect song

while rushing down a highway

when you raise your arms to the sunset

and the breeze just caresses your skin

causing your hair to fly

I am seriously just dying to live right now.

Just grab that chance and let go of all my fears

2010-09-13T10:36:00.003+08:00

Its hard moving forward

But no worries there

God always provides.

Pray that all this will draw me closer to Him.

And help build my faith and trust.

2010-09-08T02:04:00.001+08:00

2010-09-05T13:20:00.003+08:00

I vaguely remember you telling me

that the thought we repress all day

are usually the ones that manifest into our dreams

For the pass few days, i've had dreams of you

Some good, some bad

But i wish i could have just slept forever

Because at the very least you were there

Cause being without you just hurts so much more

Won't you fight for me this time?

Ask me to stay, or do you really not want me anymore?

All the best for your papers coming tuesday.

This time,

2010-08-31T18:19:00.004+08:00

When you turn and run away from someone

its at that moment you need him the most

As I run, I'm waiting for you to to come after me

To tell me I am important enough that you want me to stay.

Late night walks

new park

house warming

driving to nowhere

the zoo

Sr G with your kids

lying in bed

studying

cooking cheesy chicken

holiday road trip

etc

Regrets

2010-08-31T00:56:00.003+08:00

⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸Love never fails.

This are the words that keep me holding on.

Awwwwwwwww

Thank you my friends, I'll be strong k (:

This is it, i guess?

2010-08-29T23:23:00.004+08:00

I feel like I am standing at the door

Wondering if i should close it

And never look back,

finally take that step, right out of his life

But i find myself hesitating

because, despites how tiring

heartbreaking,

arduous,

draining,

and painful everything has been

Behind that door is Everything i want

And i can't bear to walk away from it all

So ask me to stay?

2010-08-26T01:49:00.001+08:00

Today i found out that they are making a live action movie for the fairly odd parents

Wanted so bad to tell you

Cause you were probably the only one who would understand why that is worth telling

Oh and cause i miss you too

2010-08-23T11:07:00.004+08:00

Too much has been happening lately

Its kinda overwhelming really

School starting,

all the birthday celebrations

LOVE YOU GUYS FOR CELEBRATING WITH ME

and some relationship problems

I guess i get tired more easily now

I'm really trying very hard to keep my promises

To be strong and not cry

But its seems to be getting so much harder

Things didn't go the way i hoped

and i didn't even get the chance to say the things i wanted to say to you face to face

So if one week from now,

everything were to end

i want you to know that i am sorry

I am sorry for all the moment of weaknesses i had

I'm sorry for crying

I hope that the me you remember

and miss from time to time

would be the girl that tried her hardest to make you happy and smile

despite how broken and sad she was on the inside

A girl that did her best to stand by you through every trial

even though it felt like her own world was falling apart

Someone who smiled for you and held you whenever she could

even though it hurt like crazy on the inside

The someone who loves you despite knowing the darkest part of you

that girl that believes in the very best of you while accepting all the worst of you

If its all over,

i hope you'll remember the happy times we shared

and not all the painful, difficult ends

I pray that thinking of me will bring a smile upon your face

I will miss you, and i will miss us

I really did loved you

2010-08-11T00:49:00.003+08:00

Highway run
Into the midnight sun
Wheels go round and round
You're on my mind
Restless hearts
Sleep alone tonight
Sending all my love
Along the wire

They say that the road
Ain't no place to start a family
Right down the line
It's been you and me
And lovin' a music man
Ain't always what it's supposed to be
Oh, boy, I'll stand by you
I'm forever yours
Faithfully

Circus life
Under the big top world
We all need the clowns
To make us smile
Through space and time
Always another show
Wondering where I am
Lost without you

And being apart
Ain't easy on this love affair
Two strangers learn to fall in love again
I get the joy of rediscovering you
Oh, boy, I'll stand by you
I'm forever yours
Faithfully

Whooa, oh-oh-ooh(I'm still yours)
Whooa, oh-oh-ooh, oh(I'm still yours)
Whooa, oh-oh-oh, oh-whoooooa-oh
Faithfully
I'm still yours

I'm forever yours
Ever yours
Faithfully

2010-08-07T03:43:00.003+08:00

KISS ME CAUSE IT MAKES YOU FREAKING HAPPY

Sometime i wish i had a stylist, so i don't have to think of what to wear

2010-08-02T01:57:00.002+08:00

Sometimes we have got to let go of our own pain, sadness and put other before ourselves

because when you love someone

It is only right with God to put that person before oneself

God, others, yourself

I'll wait patiently

pray God will give me strength

2010-08-01T22:33:00.000+08:00

Oh, and i miss you ))):

2010-07-31T02:30:00.001+08:00

Why is it so hard to say?

three words, eight letters

2010-07-28T02:17:00.002+08:00

Been feeling rather down

there's too much to think about

too much at stake

I love you so so much

but its making me so miserable

i'm tried of the tears, the fears

and the insecurites

Train station, hello or goodbye?

2010-07-17T02:51:00.001+08:00

Why do you have to make it all so complicated

why can't i just be happy in some normal stable relationship

Am i really so awful a person?

2010-07-15T02:26:00.003+08:00

We know all things happen for a reason

And sometimes we can be so blinded

that we miss all the signs God throws right smack in our faces

But than again how can a frail sinful mortal like me

even consider my interpretation of His will upon me correct?

I really don't know what i should do.

But if everything has to end.

I wish i could have my dream dance

with you, i only want it with you

even if it has to be the last dance.

Happy 14th I love you

2010-07-07T00:46:00.005+08:00

To be honest

I've been feeling awfully lonely of late

Hope that doesn't result in some form of stupidity

i'll live to regret

As the day draws closer, i can feel the fear constricting my heart, and the trepidation suffocating me

2010-07-02T03:09:00.003+08:00

Someday you are going to stop breaking my heart

because its either you will realize that you do love me

and give me all you have

Or i will reach my limit

and take that first step right out of your life

because somehow you don't seem to see how delicate our whole situation is

and sometimes i think its just something happening in the back ground to you

not something of concern, like some kind of a joke

I wonder how many times I've said this

but really, i seriously wonder how much more i can take

2010-06-22T21:00:00.006+08:00

I hate how insecure i feel

i'm not anything or anyone to him

so why do i feel this way

I lost the right to ask questions

the day he decided i wasn't worth it

Someone, catch me please

2010-06-12T23:31:00.002+08:00

Why is Quinn so so pretty !!!!!!

Man, i wish she would sing more in Glee

Fits how i've been feeling

one minute up

one minute down

its like some bipolar disorder

)))))): (((((: ))))): (((((((:

Oh well, at least there is GLEE to cheer me up

HAHAHA

See what mean with the whole bipolar thing

I'm still young, Oh so young.

And i'm still yours, yours, Faithfully

2010-06-06T23:38:00.004+08:00

The t-shirt no longer smells like you

But i sleep in it anyway

holding on to it, like it was a life buoy and i am drowning

The same can be said of you

I hold on to us, so forcefully

even though its so broken

we are so broken

its like trying to cross a derelict bridge

with gaps and holes

i just keep falling and falling

and everytime i pull myself up

i'll fall again

I can imagine your frustration

how it must be so grating

why is it no matter how you try to make it better

it doesn't deem to work

maybe because even though you don't want to be

you act like you're mine

and it just feels like a lie

because i really want to be with you

2010-05-25T23:20:00.001+08:00

I have been feeling so confused

feels like i kinda am just spinning round and a round

in this vicious cycle, so dizzy

i can't see straight, just plain lost

2010-05-23T21:43:00.003+08:00

I am so super confuse

I want to grab all my emotions

and just lock them in a damn box

so everything can finally stop hurting so much

i wish i had all the strength in the world

so i can endure this without being so much trouble

so that i could smile for you no matter how much i hurt

I wish i could stop feeling so scared you're gonna leave

feeling so in love with you it suffocates me

Feeling so under appreciated and taken for granted

feeling like i was invisible and just a habit

feeling like every step i force myself to take away from you hurt me like nothing else ever did

i want it all to just stop and pause for a while

most of all i wish i knew what God's will for me is

so i can just focus and give my all to doing it

and not feel so stuck in this not here not there

status-less, sinful excuse of a relationship

that i am so afraid of losing

i really don't understand

is it so hard to be with me?

why are we like this

i just want to sleep and not wake up

2010-05-21T00:12:00.002+08:00

Sigh, why are you so aloof and cool towards me

it makes our conversations seem like a formality

SAD

2010-05-20T00:24:00.003+08:00

Although i love my work

it has really been very very draining

i feel exhausted most of the time

and its getting harder and harder to keep being strong

so for this period i am sorry

i apologize first if i break or seem difficult

i know its no excuse

but i hope you can understand i am trying very hard

just alot to deal with now

Miss you ):

2010-05-18T23:11:00.002+08:00

it was a trying day

Really need to thank God for getting me through

Now to sort out my heart

GOTTA PRESS ON !!

I can do this with You on my side.

2010-05-18T01:30:00.002+08:00

my own wishful thinking

I am sorry

2010-05-16T21:22:00.001+08:00

I know its ungrateful and wrong

But sometimes i wish i had gone deeper

and succeeded.

2010-05-15T19:37:00.003+08:00

I really hate that disappointment i feel

when you forgot something you said

it makes me feel cheap

and so insignificant and empty

and to pile on the misery

i feel stupid for hoping you'll remember

I don't care that it rained

That walk was the best thing that happened

and the happiest memory i collected all week

2010-05-15T04:27:00.003+08:00

I should be happy right?

Why do i feel so sad?

Why does it feel like there is this huge gapping hole in my heart?

I feel so so lost and empty

It feels like nothing has change

and its tiring having to feel so bad,

so awful

and so apologetic

when all i did was love you ):

I feel like i'm dying every step of the way

I feel so exhausted to have to try so hard to push you away

Why is it so hard to let go? why must it be what you ask of me?

2010-05-14T02:31:00.002+08:00

Did you know Quinn loves bacons too !

Woo and she got sad cause 'puck's' mother refuses to let her eat bacon

SO CUTE

Glee makes me happy at the end of a long tired day

Gives me optimism too (:

Hello dear boy, sorry for being weak today

BUT

Happy 14th to you

can't believe it has been 8 months

I guess time flies when you are in pain too

2010-05-08T05:20:00.001+08:00

I love hugs from behind ((((:

And i had one just yesterday

HAPPY MOMENT

2010-05-07T02:48:00.003+08:00

Had a pretty good day !

Watch Ip Man 2 with jun wei

it was super nice ..

Followed by GLEE at home

and some awesome supper with Charlene and Nic

overall a rather enjoyable day(:

I was thinking about being nice today

When i ask the people around me

friends and family

i get general consensus that i kinda am a nice person

but i realize

sometimes i really do expect people to be nice to me too

not like huge ass things

but small little things

and when they aren't

i kinda don't feel like being nice to them anymore

i guess i ain't as nice as i would like to be

Really gotta work on that

Anyway on a happier note

TANNY WONG SEE MUN SAID THE NICEST THING

she say Quinn Fabray reminds her of me

I am so happy

i could float

((((((((((((((((((((((((((:

2010-05-05T03:53:00.003+08:00

The very first walk i had with him was bare-footed too

Love this PIC ((:

But yes that is the past, oh well

I am still trying to let go OK, quit bugging me !

Anyway exams are over

Finally i can take a breather

Had and awesome time Olive Emma Imran and Jay

My first time at minds cafe

First time playing Taboo also

HAHAHAHAHAHA

I know, I IS MOUNTAIN TORTOISE

Can't wait have some post-exams crazy fun

YOU MAY ALL START ASKING ME OUT ((((((((((:

2010-05-04T00:15:00.005+08:00

FREEDOM REAL SOON

I CAN TASTE IT

Last paper tomorrow

Thank you to the Lord for getting me through !

Every paper was a blessing (:

Sad note: I CANNOT FIND MY HOSTEL KEYS

where oh where are my room keys

what should i do?

And to top it off two leeches, namely

Tanny and Lizard are attempting to live off me

Gotta find a way to ward of their finger gym machine/ antenna

HAHAHA

2010-05-02T22:52:00.000+08:00

NOM NOM NOM

Lets go eat a burger together soon

Yay (:

2010-04-29T05:33:00.000+08:00

Hope can be a beautiful thing

2010-04-28T01:20:00.003+08:00

I wanna scream

SERIOUSLY

i am super annoyed

I think i'm on the edge

i think finally reached that edge

The end point

MY LIMIT

I should really really get to my make or break after papers

and stop dragging

WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE IF I JUST LET THIS CARRY ON?

2010-04-27T22:49:00.002+08:00

Hello, how was you day?

I wanted to ask

But i am a huge wuss

Scared of so many stupid thing

Exams are stressful

But i can't bring myself to really study

Cause i miss you ):