I really can't help but wonder about the future

I'm gonna pen it down

You know when you initially look at something pretty
Be ita person, an outfit or some work of art
At first glance you will just see how pretty it is
Its only after you really take time to notice it that you start seeing the flaws of things
Only after some time that you realise the little cracks and chips that cover the thing
Like a relationship,
in what my mummy calls the "honey-moon" stage
Everything is just so damned beautiful


I'm sorry for asking the questions that i did today(On the bus as we went to buy French fries)
But i didn't have any bad intentions
I would never want for you to leave me
You really do mean the world to me love
Although i don't think i would blame you if you did
i was just curious and i really wanted to know more about you
To me you always seem so cryptic
so hard to understand
i always feel like a silly little girl around you
something like when i was a little kid and when my mom would say
"You'll understand when you get older"
I find it so difficult to let you know how everything feels from my point of view
How i perceive "us"?
To me, i feel that i am not good enough for you
Like i'm not worthy enough
I just can' t place my finger on it
Why you would date someone like me of all people
I see nothing about myself that is worthy of having you like me much less love me
Every time i see you upset and yet i can't seem to help
i really feel so down and useless you know
It would bring to mind how often you can help me
How just your presence brings me comfort and happiness
Yet i cant seem to do anything for you at all
In fact worst still sometimes you get upset because of me
And i even cause you trouble
I feel like such a shameful thing you know

Can you understand a little ?
Why i always have a tendency to ask this questions?
I just feel like you could do so much better and why did i deserve to have you
I guess you can say its more like self-esteem issues in a way
I really want to give you all that is good
and really just be the best girl friend i could be
Because i feel that you should get all that and more
I'm sorry if i made you mad love
I didn't mean to

I hope and pray that some day i'll be someone you can tell anything and everything to

Have you ever done something you're unsure of?
That you're just confuse over
Sometimes you think that yeah it was right
and sometimes all the warning bells will go off
and you'll start to think why in the world did i do that ?

I never liked secrets and usually i all up for telling the truth
But now i have my own little secret and i'm scared
I wish i could turn to the people i usually turn to
but i can't
i can't ask anyone for advice or help
so very confuse here
i feel wrong and guilty and just so sorry most of the time

Remind me from time to time
tell me you love me

When i was younger about sec 1 or 2
i remember watching this sappy romance flick based on a book by Nicholas Sparks
"A walk to remember"
I always like this quote from that show
"Love is patient; love is kind
and envies no one.
Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude;
never selfish, not quick to take offense.
There is nothing love cannot face;
there is no limit to its faith,
its hope, and endurance.
In a word, there are three things
that last forever: faith, hope, and love;
but the greatest of them all is love"

I know.. call me a retard
but back then,
in my rebellious teen twit phase
i didn't know the flipping thing was from the Bible
so anyway .. back to the point that quote followed me through the years
and it really had a huge impact over me
i always try my hardest to emulate it when it comes to love
i mean we all gotta have our standards right?
its only when i feel that i can honestly love someone like in the quote
that i'll come out and say i love you
and i don't mean lovey-lovey boy girl stuff only
i'm also talking about friends
so if you're one of the few people i've said i love than(technically i only have like two friends i've said it to so yeah) realise that i meant it
whole-heartily
that i would always put you before myself
and one of them is Charlene
i love my best friend i really do so very much
i mean like i didn't put the stupid "best " in front of the word friends cause for it to look pretty like an ornament
It means alot
i mean hello its "BEST" not "good or whatever other pathetic adjective"
so all this while i always do whatever i can to keep you safe and protect you
i would never do anything that would hurt you on purpose
so i just cannot believe how you could think i would really do something like ditch you
how could you say such a thing about me
i asked so many times if i could stay behind
the only reason i left was cause i though you don't want me around you wanted to just go out with her
i mean i'm a lot less fun and its cool if you like her more
just don't say that i'll do such a thing
it hurts so much the whole week was just a huge ass blur
do you know how much i miss you?
i'm at such a lost as to what to do
i mean come on we've never even argued before and suddenly i get this silent treatment kinda thingy thingy
i'm like still in shock
i just can't wrapped my head around it
i had so much so much faith in our friendship
even if we both have changed i really believed in what we had
i just can't believe it
how could you have done something like this to hurt me so bad
i just keep crying
just when i thought i could stop crying for a while
something like this just gotta hit me
and i suppose to get some epiphany before it'll stop??(it being severely depressing stuff in general)
i really don't know what to do
but i tried so many times
i keep thinking back to that day
running it through my mind
over and over again
like some faulty record
i really can't see how i did what you said i did
someones gotta explain that to me for sure
and for the record i actually went down to bugis with the thought of surprising you
that's why i called to check where you were
so i can just like pop up behind
but non of that matters does it
the only thing i can see myself apologising for is this
i'm sorry if i ever made you feel that jun wei was more important
i really am i know what the feeling is like to feel replaced
but i sincerely thought we had that cleared up
you had no idea how stunned i was when i got shang's message
Not one
but i seriously can't help but wonder man
i must seriously suck if my best friend can think so pathetically of me
Oh man never thought i'll say this
but i need therapy man before i really start hurting myself







hello all
so like WOAH i had a weak moment today
no idea why but oh well
went all teary mushy leaky
i'm sorry to say the least
i get really upset with myself for doing that
sorry for being such trouble
i really do try hard ot hold it all in
i really sorry
i really don't want to give you anymore trouble



Where have gone the 'dears' and 'i miss you'
And i hold back all the time even if i do miss you like crazy
i never dare say
I Miss You