Just went for a run, waaaaaaaaayy overdue
It really clears my head
I've been kinda stuck in a rut of sorts
And to be honest, I've been in a particularly depressed mood recently
Been feeling sad, missing you, thinking about the past
But i guess thats ok
For me it works when i just let it all flood in
Feel that pain and hurt you left me with
experience it to the fullest
In some sadistic way, it reminds me that i am alive
And that is a blessing i never want to take for granted
Than there are time i keep asking the "whys" and the "what ifs"
What if i said yes back than?
what if i had left you earlier?
what if i had said no on the faithful night?
why didn't i hold on longer?
But i guess thats ok as long as i don't let it overwhelm me
Don't let it hold me back
Because in the end
I realize all this questions, no matter how many times i ask them
they don't matter
Because fact of the matter is
they didn't happen
and nothing will change that
And blessed as i am
I can trust that they happen for a reason
All part of the grand scheme of things
Of the life He planned for me
So for now, i guess i am ok
I am alright, just have to move forward again
step by step
Bit by bit
I really look forward to the day where we can be friends again
Not sure if you feel the same
But truth be told
For me, i do miss you as a friend
Sometimes i let life get to me
But You always pull me right back
I know how precarious my faith is
how fragile it all is
But i can feel it
I miss You so much
I can actually feel the heartache
like i would when missing a lover, a friend or family
And fear constricts my heart
like a vine of thorns
it slowly tightens its grip
So afraid i might lose You
Even if You are always there
Omnipresent
I miss you so much my Father
but life Lord, and my broken human-ness
its in the way
2 days of sitting around and trying to get some essays done has driven me insane
All i do is watch tv, stone and have nonsensical conversations with my siblings
I cannot wait to go out and have some fun
and just live a little
I so want to sit on a huge open space
where the sky will look wide and border-less
where a breathe of air just feels that much more refreshing
have a picnic and just frolic on the grass
I cannot wait ((((((:
Wish i could skip all of this
Grow strong real quick
And fast forward to the day i fall in love again
Oh the games we play
sometimes with ourselves
Somehow i manage to end up more confuse than ever
Sigh, Boys boys boys
Maybe i am better off with toys
(Lol, that rhymed)