Last night and today, I once again feel
completely torned and miserable.
Why can't this be easier?
Or have I really changed to becomes some unreasonable crazy person?
It's hard trying to decide whether my heart can take this.
Last night i caved again.
I'm sorry.
I am in way over my head.
You make me too happy.
And that scares me,
because deep down i fear that perhaps i don't deserve all this happiness.
Too apt, too coincidental.
Joke.
I find shelter, in this wayUnder cover, hide awayCan you hear, when I say?I have never felt this wayMaybe I had said, something that was wrongCan I make it better, with the lights turned onMaybe I had said, something that was wrongCan I make it better, with the lights turned onCould I be, was I there?It felt so crystal in the airI still want to drown, whenever you leavePlease teach me gently, how to breatheAnd I'll cross oceans, like never beforeSo you can feel the way I feel it tooAnd I'll mirror images back at youSo you can see the way I feel it tooMaybe I had said, something that was wrongCan I make it better, with the lights turned onMaybe I had said, something that was wrongCan I make it better, with the lights turned on
Shelter- "The Xx"
Hi,
i just thought you should know.
When you look at me and smile, it's like time stands still for a while.
And in that moment, that smile pierces through every bad thing and stress that is going on in my life.
Everything just feels so right and good.
That's why i love every second wasted with you.
You make me forget all that is bad.
Baby, be brave and want me back.
Oh the perks of being a wallflower.
I really love this book.
And i honestly can't help but keep wanting to chase that infinite feeling described in the book.
Anyway, my sister asked me a question the other day.
She asked: " How would you feel if Jon and you don't work out?"
I replied that i'll be sad and heartbroken.
Then she threw me this, " As sad as when you lost your first love?"
I said no.
Her reply was simple and yet had this flatness to it, "That's good."
I thought about it.
If you ask me i think that's awfully sad.
Quite depressing really.
Does it mean i can't be as hopelessly in love anymore?
To be so in love that you feel your world soar and crumble.
Will this guard always be around?
Just to protect my heart, keep it from breaking?
But what use is protecting a heart that can't give itself completely.
Can't get this thoughts out of my head.
I don't want this protection, but i'm so so terrified of that same heartache.
Where than can i find the balance between loving completely,
and yet not losing myself when it all falls apart?
I need so much more courage.
I really like you.
ALOT.
But I'm scared I'll ruin everything.
With my stupid insecurities.