Hello world
recently it seems like my blog is my only solace
where i can let out my sadness
it just gets tiring keeping it inside
its really hard to paste a smile on your face
and add a chirp to your voice
when all you feel like doing is curling up in a corner to cry and die
(funny how that rhymes)
right now
i'm really sick
flu cough fever and aches
and i should be recovering already
but something is wrong
my body knows its time
but my heart mind and soul feels so weak
so weary so tired
i feel like staying ill
so that i can just lock myself away
so i can just stay in bed and wallow in my misery
pathetic isn't it
i cant feel the will to carry on
maybe its the illness talking
i just feel so very very exhausted
trying to make everyone around me better
its like no matter how hard i try
something will come along and
i'll have to start all over
or worst everything will back fire and
i'll feel so guilty and horrid
i feel so lonely right now
and i so very very unwanted
I'm so wired out right now
i don't feel really all that right
my sanity is on the verge, tethering so precariously(I can't even recall if this is a right expression)
Maybe it was the lack of food
or the fatigue and lack of sleep
or maybe it was all the smoke and clubbing
I just feel so broken and weary
this is probably gonna be really drama and weird
so yeah please proceed with caution
I am so sad
there straight to the point
I'm so sad and upset and disappointed and i just feel so ARGHH
If thats even a proper adjective
its something along the lines of frustrated yet without the anger
it's more of hating myself?
Am i making sense??
Fuck it this is MY BLOG
SO YES it makes sense
for the record i am so not drunk
cause i so did not drink
Why?? can someone tell me why
Why is it that no matter how hard i try its just futile
why cant it work
why am i wrong??
i feel so useless i mean is there really nothing i can do
Do you even know how painful this is for me
how hurt i am how confused and all over the place
its so scary always having to be strong when something i hold so very VERY
EXTREMELY dearly is just completely falling apart
I mean it was all going so well
what did i do wrong???
why why why!?!?!?!?
Can't you stay i don't wanna lose you
Wont you please stay with me
i'm sorry i know i understand you cant
that you cannot
i mean this is God we're talking about
He whom i'm not ready to just accept completely yet
i'm like nothing
i have so many doubts
and i just feel so helpless
and sometimes i just feel so alone
cause just letting go and giving up is not an option
i don't give up
i won't i refuse
i think i'm in a very denial childish mood now
but don't go please don't
haven't you ever wondered??
what if i can't do without you???
I'm just crying so hard now
only when theres no one around
like charlene said today
just me and my tears
i'm feeling really down now
everything just feels awful
I feel so helpless (is that even a word??)
I cant do anything to make the ones i care most better
i really feel sad
i wish i knew what to do
i just want them all to be well and happy
i miss you .. many many different individuals