The path to true faith always goes through doubt.
I pray that the peace of God will continue to guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus.
37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8: 37-39
Such a wonderful conviction,
makes me smile lifts me up every time i remember this verse
especially when i feel my faith waning
Today i suddenly remember i use to have this blog
http://bigbigboobies.blogspot.com
HAHAHA good times, good times
i spent a good 10 minutes laughing at lizard
Ahhh to be young and less intelligent
way back when
gosh i feel old now
I think i need some closure
maybe just maybe
i am not very sure
but i am quite sure i am not in a very healthy place
now all i need is the guts
My Lord has three answers to my prayers
1. Yes !
2. Not yet..
3. I have planned something greater
All i need is to keep the faith and trust in Him :)
Father help me
this is my cry of desperation
i don't know how to interpret all this
i don't know what is right
which route is Your will my Lord
where do i go from here
I need Your guidance Your wisdom
cause i alone am nothing
Please show me if You are willing
what are the plans You wish of me
Today, my Sunday school teacher begin class with Deuteronomy 22:22 onwards
I read through it
and recalled Corinthians and Leviticus
Verses touching on similar things
So now where does that leave me?
Has part of my future already been set than?
I feel so lost in all this myriad of thoughts
As the two self within me fight to get what is to be done
What does this mean?
Should that action be done?
Is this a push from God?
Is is delusions from me?
Is it temptation from the devil permitted by God?
Is it just a test God has for me?
Is this His will, or my own?
I want so much to do it, His will
BUT
How do i differentiate?
As i struggle with all this i feel myself drowning, choking, suffocating
I feel like i am losing myself
How do i find me and yet embrace the new me God has given?
Maybe i need that confrontation,
I need those answers
I don't think they'll make me feel any better
But maybe i need to know the truth
Even if it is cold and ugly
to get out of this freaking vicious cycle
This inner battle isn't good for me
Especially now
I feel the worst of me coming out
as i try so hard to be the best of me to glorify God
Wish i had the guts to let myself free fall
Than maybe all of this can end