Time.
The grains of sand keep on falling.
Moving along, all I see is the sand.
On and off though, I see flecks of gold.
Time spent with you.
I am a little lost.
I just really fucking miss you.
Please do something.
Broken dreams, there is nothing left to fear.
What is lost is gone, there is nothing to be scared of.
There is nothing to be happy about either.
Last year, I remembered,
Back in the beginning of December.
You held my shoulders and told me,
"I'm just not fortunate enough to be with you."
Why did you say that?
I don't recall the exact details.
I was upset about something, you were trying to make me feel better.
You spoke of legacy and not being successful enough.
You mentioned Porsche and racing down PIE.
You promised me a dinner at relish.
I can't help but wonder if that day will ever come.
Will that promise ever be kept?
But you were wrong though, I am the unfortunate one.
I'm the one not meant to have the person I love, love me back.
I think I am too naive.
With that naivety, everything had seem so surmountable.
I thought that maybe we could make something work.
Could we still?
I really cannot tell, I can only wait on your reaction to our interactions.
Await circumstances to twist and unravel our lives.
And until then, maybe I'll just indulge a little, stop pretending I don't and waste some time missing you.
You brought me happiness that i had looked so terribly hard to find.
Life was so complete when i had you.
So please, be kind, forgive me for having such a hard time letting go.
I love you to the moon and back.
But i will go further if you asked.
Promise me that you won't let go, that you won't forget me.
I promise to always be there when you need me.
Do what makes you happy?
Easier said than done.
I don't even know what that is.
I mean I've felt spurts of happiness on and off.
But I haven't felt that genuine, full blown, really contented, totally at peace with the world type of happiness in a long time.
Around 8 months maybe.
Now, how did I become such a whirling hot mess?
Can i leave it all at the hands of someone else?
Choose for me.
Give me everything you said and be there.
Or just take everything away and leave me with the pieces.
No more pretty well spun lies to keep me happy.
Because all I ever do is believe you over and over again.
I just keep believing in you.
There are some memories in life that are just too precious.
You fight tooth and nail, clench your fist so tight your nails draw blood.
You'll scrape knees and go through hell and back.
Just to keep it.
Just to rememberer, to never forget.
To never be forgotten.
I don't intent to hurt anyone.
I just don't want to be left behind.
I want to exist as a part of that world.
Even if its a small part.
Reputation, pride, happiness, relations.
I'll pay any price.
Please, just please, don't make this another lie.
Action, do something.