We are young by "FUN"
God this song has been stuck in my head man.
I cannot seem to forget it.
Being young, making dumb decisions.
And you may be the biggest one yet.
To be honest, I've thought about it.
And I've basically just jumped into shark infested waters.
You are dangerous, and i am so green.
But i just wanted it so badly.
And i got you, at least in the heat of that moment i did.
It was totally hedonistic and probably morally grey.
But you know, life just seem to be slipping by so fast.
And i feel like i am running out of time to try things.
To do stupid things and make mistakes.
To live right now and in the moment.
To selfishly do whatever my heart desires.
So i guess if you are a mistake.
I think you may be the best one yet.
Or at least i hope.
And hell, i really really wish i am not in too deep.
Escape if i have to, with my heart intact.
Let go and just live.
Retrospect.
This word, it's been floating around since last night.
A nagging thought in my head.
Looking at things in retrospect always gives me this uncanny feeling.
Like I am watching the life of some stranger unfold before me.
In the light of day, when logic has its reign and the mind is clear.
I see everything as pubescent infatuation.
Doesn't affect my mood much, doesn't affect my thinking much.
But shrouded in the dark and the night sets in.
Maybe it's the weariness of the day, the physical tiredness.
But the mind has this funny way of twisting things suddenly.
Say last night.
All of a sudden, it hurts watching him with another.
Being friends become insufficient, the hearts starts to desire more.
Wanting so much more.
And now.
Somehow the night falls short of my expectations.
I'll usually feel contended with whatever I've got.
But not tonight.
As I stare out at my favorite view, I feel sad.
Plain and simple sadness.
But it's the selfish kind of sad.
I'm sad because I can never have him.
It's the childish kind of sad.
I'm sad because he will never look at me that way.
But I want him to, and I want him, bad.
I wish he was here, to share this view with me perhaps.
I don't know.
There's this huge myriad of thoughts in my head.
It's all really confusing.
I just wish I could tell him what I am feeling.
I want you to want me!
Now that would be pretty epic.
At least for me.
A retrospective entry on that happening.
Now that would be pretty interesting.
I conclude with this: I feel totally fucked up.
It’s those moments when you hang around in a room full of friends, where you gasp for breath between each laugh. It’s those moments where you get high off just breathing in so deep, you feel your lungs getting cold. For a second, that split second, you don’t care. You don’t care about school, about parents, about money, about rules, or broken hearts. Who you care about are the kids sitting next to you. Cause it’s all we really need, isn’t it? Those kids next to you. Yeah, the ones who make you feel invincible, even at your weakest points.- "From i have no idea where"