I'm so wired out right now
i don't feel really all that right
my sanity is on the verge, tethering so precariously(I can't even recall if this is a right expression)
Maybe it was the lack of food
or the fatigue and lack of sleep
or maybe it was all the smoke and clubbing
I just feel so broken and weary
this is probably gonna be really drama and weird
so yeah please proceed with caution


I am so sad
there straight to the point
I'm so sad and upset and disappointed and i just feel so ARGHH
If thats even a proper adjective
its something along the lines of frustrated yet without the anger
it's more of hating myself?
Am i making sense??
Fuck it this is MY BLOG
SO YES it makes sense
for the record i am so not drunk
cause i so did not drink
Why?? can someone tell me why
Why is it that no matter how hard i try its just futile
why cant it work
why am i wrong??
i feel so useless i mean is there really nothing i can do
Do you even know how painful this is for me
how hurt i am how confused and all over the place
its so scary always having to be strong when something i hold so very VERY
EXTREMELY dearly is just completely falling apart
I mean it was all going so well
what did i do wrong???
why why why!?!?!?!?
Can't you stay i don't wanna lose you
Wont you please stay with me
i'm sorry i know i understand you cant
that you cannot
i mean this is God we're talking about
He whom i'm not ready to just accept completely yet
i'm like nothing
i have so many doubts
and i just feel so helpless
and sometimes i just feel so alone
cause just letting go and giving up is not an option
i don't give up
i won't i refuse
i think i'm in a very denial childish mood now
but don't go please don't
haven't you ever wondered??
what if i can't do without you???

I'm just crying so hard now
only when theres no one around
like charlene said today
just me and my tears