I feel so lost in all this myriad of thoughts
As the two self within me fight to get what is to be done
What does this mean?
Should that action be done?
Is this a push from God?
Is is delusions from me?
Is it temptation from the devil permitted by God?
Is it just a test God has for me?
Is this His will, or my own?
I want so much to do it, His will
BUT
How do i differentiate?
As i struggle with all this i feel myself drowning, choking, suffocating
I feel like i am losing myself
How do i find me and yet embrace the new me God has given?
Maybe i need that confrontation,
I need those answers
I don't think they'll make me feel any better
But maybe i need to know the truth
Even if it is cold and ugly
to get out of this freaking vicious cycle
This inner battle isn't good for me
Especially now
I feel the worst of me coming out
as i try so hard to be the best of me to glorify God
Wish i had the guts to let myself free fall
Than maybe all of this can end
