Suddenly i rememberedyou loved me enough to cry for me once upon a time
where did that go?
You promised me you will never hurt me intentionally
never
but i guess it is foolish to hold on the promises of man
only the promises of God hold true
so what do i do now?
i trust you inexplicably
believing every single word
No really what should i do now?
Why do i feel so disposablei am so scared
how do i hold it all together
when it just feels like everything is falling apart
How do you fight something you want so desperately?
What is right and what my heart desires
but is what i desire really so wrong?
what do i fight so hard for
that is so important cause fighting for the wrong reasons will break everything
I don't want to be superfluous anymore
i don't want to be so easily replaced forgotten and tossed aside
I wished everything can just rewind
i wish she never happened
it all just hurts too much
I have that same feeling, you're going to leave me again
Do you even know how painful it has been for me living in such fear, trying so hard to hide everything because i am so scared of pushing you even further away
Please, tell me that we'll be alright
Recently i've been thinking alot on what it means to "seek first His kingdom"What its really means as a child of God to do that
The pass one month has been quite struggle
Showed me how weak i am
how easy it is for me to fall back to old habits
to escape the pains of life
How fragile my faith is
how quick and effortless it was for me to lose sight of Him
And yet through this i once again learn of how great His grace and mercy is
Now slowly I feel myself crawling back to him again
Slowly but surely
How can i possibly turn away after such mercy and love from the king of kings
i really am so blessed
no matter how hard
how painful
how arduous
i just have to keep trying
Come on, come take a ride with me
Life is spinning out of control
i don't understand anything
i don't get why people are treating me like this
I am so depressed so much of the time
i really am so tired of living
I really don't know what to do
how to do it
and why i need to do whatever it is i need to do
what happened to me?
i wanna cry but i am just so so tired ):
Strangle me with your silence and indifferencewatch me choke and struggle with myself
No you don't, you didn't
you never saw me at all
invisible
when will this pretense stop
Everything hurts too much
why am i always doing things for others
Isn't there someone to save me this time
I think i'm really too tired
Why don't you want me ))))):
You don't understand the depth of the feelings i have for you
How could you really
when i hide it and fight it everyday
But nevertheless i will keep trying my best
i won't give up
Its not that i don't WANT anything in return
of course i do, i am after all only human
But i don't mind it really
i don't mind not having anything in return
just be honest k (:
Why haven't my feelings faded, should i logically avoid and turn away from what hurts?I still love you as much
