The 14th
Bane of my current situation much
I use to love this day
ADORE IT
it was always something worth celebrating about
the day we got together
How could i have guessed that we would break up on the very same day?
It really was unnecessarily cruel
Every 14th now makes me cry
No matter how strong i try to be
How long and hard i try to hold the tears back
POINTLESS
my heart still breaks
the tears still flow
But than again i think it breaks everyday?
i really am quite hopeless aren't i?
It isn't anyones fault but mine i guess
I don't wanna hurt you
I don't wanna pressure you
But it really is hard to control
Sometimes i wish i had more guts
To say what i want to say, what i need to say
You once asked me what i expect of you
and i actually have kept it in mind
And thought about it
i expect nothing actually
My head knows that it is unwise to expect anything
Oh but my heart
my senseless heart hopes
its never fails to hope
And it is always disappointed
Like today, i carried that same foolish hope
that you might remember today, remember me
An hold me like you once did, like you would never let me fall
I have no right to hope really
I'm not your girlfriend
I'm not anybody really
you owe me nothing
i deserve nothing from you
So why does it still hurt so much?
I wish today was still special to you
I wish i could see you
i wish i could still say happy 14 without having to second guess and reconsider
but what can i do ?
everything i want will only end up hurting you or burdening you in some way
Its like having thorned vines circling my heart
Outwardly it protects my heart
but i have to keep my heart still
It cannot be moved by you
Or it will be pierced
it will hurt
If only you knew how completely terrified i am
i am so wary because i really am so scared of pushing you further away
