"You're always haunted by the idea you're wasting your life." - Chuck Palahniuk

My retrospection on a recent spat of nostalgia.

Once upon a night, not so long ago.
In a spinning black recliner i sat.
Clicking with strange fervency to scroll through my past into what has become my present.
Memories ingrained in what speaks a thousand words.
And i felt such bittersweet sadness.
In seeing how much I've grown, how much independence and strength I've gained.
Realizing how much wiser I've become, how I've learnt what is most important.
How to cherish the littlest of things, I smiled.
So sweet.

But looking back at how much i have lost to learn life's lesson.
It was a bitter biting taste indeed.
Old friends whom i use to spend so much time laughing and growing with.
Have grown apart.
Life pulled us apart.
New things made what we had seem less important.
Forgettable.
Of course there are always new friends.
But this is nostalgia. And god there are so many people that i miss.
I keep their photos on my wall.
In hopes that one day we relive our youthful mischief and lousy calls.

The innocence and naivety i once had that allowed happiness to come so simply.
That i miss too.
The ability to give yourself so freely without guard or suspicion.
That i miss a lot.
With all this lost, everything that was once so magical and amazing seem to have lost their spark.
Mediocrity.
Little by little, all that was lovely slip through the cracks and fall into mediocrity.
It is so sad.
But not love i hope.
I hope life has given me the courage to still love fiercely, with reckless passionate abandonment.

There are too many mediocre things in life. Love shouldn't be one of them.