Oh the perks of being a wallflower.
I really love this book.
And i honestly can't help but keep wanting to chase that infinite feeling described in the book.

Anyway, my sister asked me a question the other day.
She asked: " How would you feel if Jon and you don't work out?"
I replied that i'll be sad and heartbroken.
Then she threw me this, " As sad as when you lost your first love?"
I said no.
Her reply was simple and yet had this flatness to it, "That's good."
I thought about it.
If you ask me i think that's awfully sad.
Quite depressing really.
Does it mean i can't be as hopelessly in love anymore?
To be so in love that you feel your world soar and crumble.
Will this guard always be around?
Just to protect my heart, keep it from breaking?
But what use is protecting a heart that can't give itself completely.
Can't get this thoughts out of my head.
I don't want this protection, but i'm so so terrified of that same heartache.
Where than can i find the balance between loving completely,
 and yet not losing myself when it all falls apart?
I need so much more courage.