It seems like too much is going on in my life now.
Brain has been on overdrive.
Thinking about living, thinking about dying.
How it all seems meaningless yet trying to grasp a tight hold on life.
To make the moments meaningful.
It's all one big pseudo- philosophical blur.

Seeing love that makes me believe.
Seeing lies that make me despair.
Falling for you, falling for me.
Somehow all the thoughts and events all seem to swirl around.
And yet it still all comes back to you.
How did one person manage to capture me so completely?
I can only conclude that time is no definitive measure.


Some time ago there existed a me that was independent of you.
In time to come will I find that self back?
I have to right.
It goes beyond being nice.
Maybe this time it'll be my turn to be the liar,
whether it means anything to you.
maybe it is time I broke my promise.
When that day arrives I'll apologize.
I am sorry I lied about forever.
But not yet, for now I hold on,
I'll be there for you no matter what.
Living under this delusional concept that I can take it all.
That I can do it all to please everybody.


Watched "The art of getting by" and "It's kind of a funny story" recently.
Very hipster- ish and coming of age movies.
Gets your thoughts reeling and shit.

If i had held the pen to our story.
I will love to write us a different ending.
A better script, a better play.
Essentially I'll write us into forever.
But for us, right from the very beginning, you held the pen.
And I merely a part of the paper.

Need some clarity and direction.
For some sense to miraculously emerge from this murky confusion.