Choosing to walk away was one of the hardest choices I ever made.
Doing it just nearly killed me.
And everyday I just die a little inside,
Second guessing and wondering if I would be happier otherwise.
I remember realising I wasn't strong enough for another goodbye with you.
And in retrospect I guess that was kinda right.
Things would have been disastrous if I had stayed the way you wanted me to right?
That's what keep telling myself anyway.
Even from such a distance, watching you love someone else is hell on Earth.
I can't imagine if things were otherwise.

I saw you as the most amazing person ever.
I thought you were the greatest thing that I stumbled upon.
The best of serendipity.
Don't get me wrong.
It was hard being with you.
But it was so worth it.
Having you made me feel like the sun will never stop shining.
Kept my heart feeling inspired.
And every moment took my breathe away.
Basically all the cliche crap you read in novels.
I never thought I would ever feel like this.
I remember thinking how in the world did I get so lucky,
to have someone like you to call my own.
But it was short- lived.
Perhaps I am not meant to be that happy.

But now I am stuck.
I am still here, rooting for you.
I stayed waiting for you.
Although I am not sure what I am waiting for.
Not in the sense that I'm hoping for your change of heart.
I've seen enough to know that the one you love may not always love you back.
But rather just being in the background,
Praying you'll stay this happy.
Trying to be there if you need me.

Having the drive and motivation to give chase.

But I seem to have lost it all.

It's like nothing works without you

I keep telling myself I just need more time.

But why don't things feel at least a little better?

I have made no progress.

I see the worry in their eyes.

Do I look that bad?

Is my facade so poorly constructed that everyone sees right through it?

I don't know what else i can possibly do.

I can only keep walking.

Keep going and trust that the clockwork will make time pass.

That eventually with time passing I'll get use to this.

It's funny, on some of my weaker days. 

I'll keep asking myself,

Why wasn't I good enough?

What did I do in our time together that will make you treat me so cruelly?
Funny because I have always been the type the believe in moving on.
And now I'm the type of girl I use to give advice to.
I'm the one that can't stop loving you.