Give me a damn break alright,
just cause you decided to give up on us,
and put an end to everything.
Doesn't mean i can just switch off how i feel.
It didn't terminate right there for me.
I still love you in the most unfortunate of ways.
So yeah fine, its not your fault, its not their fault.
But i just wished everyone will back off.
Stop telling me he is not worth it.
Stop telling me to JUST get over him.
It doesn't happen like that.
This so called ''failed'' relationship changed me.
And i am not the way i was.
I can't throw him away the way i did with the others.
Something is different about me.
And i can't go back.
I get your good intentions.
But they are draining me.
I'm being selfish and so so so damn self- indulgent,
and i am probably just digging my own grave here.
But i just need to be.
Its my fault, i get that.
I knew right from the start that he was trouble in his own way.
I knew the odd were against me.
But i dived right in anyway.
Recklessly, kinda idiotic if you think about it.
But sometimes you just need to do that.
Just jump right off the cliff and get the hell out of your comfort zone.
That is when you change the most, feel the most.
Yeah i'll admit i'm being a major loser now.
I miss him everyday.
And it fucking hurts everyday.
It basically sucks.
But he was worth it to me.
Sure, 6 months is short.
But i think that was the happiest relationship i had.
There's so much worth remembering.
And i never stop smiling when i reminisce.
He is really special and pretty spectacular.
I wish you could all see what he means to me.
And i hope she knows how lucky she is to have everything that i miss.
I feel tired all the time.
But sleep eludes me.
whenever i try to get to bed.
My brain goes on overdrive.
All the thoughts all the memories.
Its like flashy neon lights blinking all over the place.
Out of control and hard to grasp fully.
And when that extreme fatigue i work for finally takes over.
I wake up wishing i didn't.
Cause nothing changed. i'm still feeling this way.
I never was the type that wanted to die.
But right now, i so wished that i didn't have to live.
Having someone shake you up so drastically.
Its changes you.
And i just don't know where to go from here.
