I recently told a friend I felt depress.
She tried lightening it up, and turned it into a joke.
I'll admit she was successful in making me laugh.
She than proceed to say," there, you're happy now."
My laughter died off and without missing a beat,
I blurted out, "my happiness is nothing but a farce"
You can imagine that awkward silence after that little confession.

And I really do marvel at how well I do it now.
I can put on that same mask everyday,
to work, to hang out with friends, to spend time with family.
I can fake it in conversations, speeches, hellos and goodbyes.
I fool even me.

Realistically speaking, I do feel happy on and off.
It's just so transient.
i feel sad more often then i feel happy.
I spend all day surrounded by people.
Smiling, laughing and jovial.
But i always end my day feeling so alone.
So despondent.

There is just no one to talk to.
Nobody wants to listen to the same old sob story.
Even i am sick of telling the same old tale.
But,
Doesn't mean i don't feel it.
Doesn't mean i don't dread that walk home to a lonely end.
I hate this, and it kind of scares me, how often this bleak thought crosses my mind.
That i would be better off dead, than living this tragic existence.